Friday, June 1, 2012

Hard to Believe

It's hard to believe it's been a year.  365 days without my dad.  He is so missed.  I still expect him to be there when I pull in mom's driveway at the end of a long trip.  I walk into the house and wait to hear "how was the trip?" from him, but it's not there.  There's a hole in my heart where he left.  We made it through his birthday and father's day last year right after he passed.  I think everything was so raw that we all just went through the motions without it setting in.  The holidays were tough though.  His absence was felt everywhere.  I know he is in a better place looking down at each one of us making sure we behave.  :-)  I feel his presence around me.  When I was training for the 1/2 marathon and I was at a point I wanted to stop, I would think of my dad and imagine him running right next to me, our shoes hitting the pavement at the same time.  Because I am sure if Dad wouldn't haven't gotten sick he would have been running that race with Beth, Kurt and I or at the least would have been our biggest fan at the finish line. 
 {Dad at the end of the Kalida pioneer 5K in 1982}
Last week we were in the office and Nate decided to go through some old videos of the kids.  We couldn't believe how much they have grown up.  Gigi was talking in her little baby talk, Bubba was giving us his best dance moves, and Rosie had her front teeth.  Then while playing a video of our first trip to mom and dad's house in Tennessee I heard it.  His voice.  The tears started coming... kinda like they are now just writing about it.  It makes him so close -- but so far away.  He was the best dad a girl could ask for and I miss him everyday not just today.  I want him to know that he is not forgotten and that his presence on earth effected so many.  He made us better people by knowing him and his love for God is aweing.  I strive each moment to make him proud and to be as good of a christian as he was.  If you do anything today, take a moment to talk to God and bring yourself closer to him, like my father is.  God Bless!

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. And now I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place you may believe.    John 14:27-29

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