Friday, October 14, 2011

Is there just something someone can say to make you upset? To me those words are "babysitter or friend". To fill you in, yesterday I was at the YMCA and the girls and I were leaving and Gigi ran ahead and held the door for me. {interpreted means-- pressed the handicap button} Mommy was loaded down with a gym bag, diaper bag, Lil miss, and Lil Miss's elephant blanket..... REALLY had my hands full. A woman walking out in front of me turns to Gigi and tells her to "oh.. wait for your friend....or babysitter." Seriously. Of course I fire back immediately "I am her mom!" and as if on cue Gigi says "come on, Mom!"

I didn't really know how insecure I am of the fact that the kids obviously don't look like me and therefore random strangers don't automatically think the kids are "ours". At the beginning, I was always thinking that way. I was constantly trying to explain to teachers, grocery store clerks, women at the playground.... " oh my husband and I adopted" because I could see the uncertainty in people's eyes or the wondering. But now its different because the kids couldn't be anymore "ours". It's not just a signed piece of paper, they are our son and daughters. I couldn't imagine life without any of them. So, I don't even think twice when bringing them to karate and dropping my boy off. I don't feel the need to explain at all. But one (or three) little words like "friend or babysitter" can make me mad. Most moms would never feel this because when you are walking your child down the street everyone assumes that the little girl holding your hand is yours. But for us who adopt a different nationality, or race than our own it is not assumed that the beautiful child is yours. We are first assumed to be a babysitter or friend. UGH! Maybe I should have taken it as a compliment that I don't look old enough to have a child that is 4.... because I am only 21. {that is how old Bubba thinks mommy is! ;-) } But I don't think that was the way she was thinking. I just wish it didn't bother me so much. It took awhile to feel like a "real" mom, and I just wish everyone saw me as that.

We still get moments when we are sitting at a restaurant and a stranger will come up to our table and say "where are these children from?" or "did you adopt from Haiti?" seriously that has happened to us. We will be in the middle of eating dinner and have to explain (in front of the children by the way) the whole story of how we became a family. Now I love to tell the story and tell Gigi almost every week while she is looking at the photo album, but to just tell a curious on looker is annoying. The funniest conversation I ever had was a lady at the mall asked me

"where are the kids from?"

I said "from Des Moines"

"No, where are they from?"

"...from Des Moines" (said with a slight eyebrow raise)

"No, I mean where are they adopted from?"

"They are adopted domestically and they are from right here. We did not go across seas to adopt they were right in our backyard. We were very lucky."

Seriously after that conversation I was like... get the point lady. Not the nicest of me I know. So now after writing this journal entry I feel guilty for getting so upset at the lady from the Y. I wish I would have said "this beautiful girl is my daughter" with a smile and not got snippy like I did. Well, next time I will. I am so glad my therapist (my journal) helped me through this.and let me get this all off my chest. Just send me a bill!

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